Sunday 14 June 2009

Back Home

Tabby - Til next time. Maybe we'll be able to meet up somehow, LoL.

Gitz - Yes, sweetie. Sort me out. Haha. I need sorting out.

Well, after slightly more than 24 hours of pure travelling (including waiting for boarding, transit, on the bus, on the plane), I'm finally home. I'm at work now, and it's the only time I can get online (lunchbreak now) because the internet at home isn't working. I know what you're thinking - What? No internet?

NO LIFE LAH!

You ain't far off.

I think I need just a couple more days to get used to this. It feels kind of odd/strange/unreal. I feel as if I'm still in air, having not really touched ground, suspended between two lives.

I will miss Brighton - I'm already beginning to. I will miss the incredible freedom and utter independence. It's like, when you're on your own, you account for no one else. You live life based only on the network that you create for yourself - friends, teachers, people you meet. It's cool if you walk  over to Waterstone's and read books until your eyes pop, or if you shop until you literally drop, or if you sit in Sput-In alternating between stuffing your face in a jacket potato and peoplewatching - you don't have to go into lengthy explanations about why you'd rather not go back home yet, or why you'd like two more minutes to walk around (except, perhaps, 'Eh, file a missing person's report ah if I'm not back tomorrow'). There are drawbacks, of course. There are times when you'd feel anti-social, times when you feel lonely, times when all you want to do is curl into yourself.

All my life, I've lived a sheltered life. Too much of one, to be honest, but for which I'm eternally grateful to my family. And so when I leaped and tore myself away from my roots, I learnt to just bloody stand on my own two feet. I learnt to wash my eyes and see life from a different angle, yet I've also learnt to appreciate what I've known before and to know that there are certain habits or little ways of mine that I will have to live with, because I cannot escape.

Every time I start something new, I convince myself that there is another perspective to life that I'm about to discover, another secret for me to catch, another mystery to unlock so that I don't live life by a humdrum pulse. But there aren't all that many perspectives to take anyway. I feel as if I've tried nearly all, and I still can't nail it.

If you've got the Big Secret, let me know. Or give me some sort of clue so that I wind my way through and find it - but still, give me a clue. A hint. Anything, really. When you reach a point, you stop being fussy.

Random note to self: Part I, fin. Part II, fin. Part III, fin. Hence, Part IV and Part V, left. And definitely the longest two. Especially if I want to add in one part with MC's POV.