Why Is There No One Else?

No one else, in terms of searching and being fed up with the search.

I do sometimes wonder whether it's a personal defect that I seem to so easily turn my back and look the other way whenever Faith gets too tricky. I say this in a most polite way, even if my mind is a raging ball of confusion. Confusion and frustration and fed-up-ness.

Do I care if I never come to know, to follow, an organized religion? Should I care?

How is it possible to want to believe so badly, and not believe at all?

And in believing, how much of it is really brainwashing?

Makes me wish I was brainwashed as a kid, and brainwashed with a certain ferocity. Maybe then I wouldn't be sitting here wondering, asking, and finding answers that piss me off.