I seldom get personal on my blog. Like, really personal. And I also try to avoid any reference to religion of any sort, but today is about to be an exception.
Basically, I have been raised Catholic, but never baptised. My parents wanted to give me the option of choosing my beliefs when I became old enough (Mum's Buddhist, Dad's Catholic), so I was never born baptised. My grandmother used to tell us stories about God, and Jesus, and she'd talk to us about Mother Mary, and even though I asked silly questions, she would always answer me patiently.
I guess in many ways, God has always been there for me. Sometimes, I seem to be blind to His presence. Sometimes, I'm so self-centred that I forget that He is the one who grants me everything that I have. Sometimes, I am too warped in my own problems and troubles that I have failed to see, on numerous accounts, the light that He always promises ahead of me. Worse still, sometimes, I go to Him only when I have no other resort, when I am already desolate and desperate, when I am already at the brink of falling over.
Why is it that I am so full of pride? Is it what it's called? Because I am always convinced I am so strong that I do not need His help.
But the truth is, I'm not. I'm not strong at all. Sometimes, I feel so weak that life doesn't even seem worth living. I'd feel sad, angry, frustrated, hurt, disappointed, and it is only when my self-esteem is at pit-bottom, I'd turn to myself instead, and that hurt becomes me.
God, You have been with me every step of the way. Is it because I choose not to see You? Or am I only thrusting faith in You because I need You so much right now?
I want to believe, Lord.
Please help me.
Friday, 24 October 2008
Thursday, 23 October 2008
At 2.20 am
Maybe it's the exam blues. Maybe it's all the boredom that comes from constantly studying and doing little else.
THAT'S why I'm awake at 2.20am, and above all else, BLOGGING.
Anyway:
Lai Zhu - LoL, how come not available? But unattached is good, keeps you focused on your priorities and dreams first. Independence, sweetie, I like it!
Viv - Aw, thanks. I like the layout too. I think it was the layout for my old blog, haha.
Saras - I won't forget the reunion! But I can't promise you that I won't cry on Thanksgiving. I haven't cried for months, but maybe Thanksgiving will be the death of that record, XD.
Tabby - I still can't get into your blog for some reason. =( But about your long comment, I guess you're right (well, what to do, you have experience on your side, haha). I mean, competition does make you a little doubtful of what you want (what if you can't be the good ones? what if you're always the one struggling to keep up? what if you can't meet requirements?) but yeah, life's too short to think in such terms. Mmm.
Well, there isn't any specific topic for today, but oh, the USA elections will be in two weeks! I really want to know what happens, though I'm still all for Obama. McCain might be good and all, but it's seriously time for some change. Somehow, I think if Obama wins, the economy might get a heave-ho boost. Don't ask me why, I just go by intuition.
I've been getting really bored lately. It's as though I'll be studying and studying in school, doing whatever papers they give us, and trying to keep up the momentum. But once I get home, I go slack and I don't want to look at any book at all. I honestly have to stop this crap. I have SPM in 18 days! I can't afford this kind of nonsense right now. Once it's over with, I'll go slack however much I want.
Need. To. Buck. Up.
THAT'S why I'm awake at 2.20am, and above all else, BLOGGING.
Anyway:
Lai Zhu - LoL, how come not available? But unattached is good, keeps you focused on your priorities and dreams first. Independence, sweetie, I like it!
Viv - Aw, thanks. I like the layout too. I think it was the layout for my old blog, haha.
Saras - I won't forget the reunion! But I can't promise you that I won't cry on Thanksgiving. I haven't cried for months, but maybe Thanksgiving will be the death of that record, XD.
Tabby - I still can't get into your blog for some reason. =( But about your long comment, I guess you're right (well, what to do, you have experience on your side, haha). I mean, competition does make you a little doubtful of what you want (what if you can't be the good ones? what if you're always the one struggling to keep up? what if you can't meet requirements?) but yeah, life's too short to think in such terms. Mmm.
Well, there isn't any specific topic for today, but oh, the USA elections will be in two weeks! I really want to know what happens, though I'm still all for Obama. McCain might be good and all, but it's seriously time for some change. Somehow, I think if Obama wins, the economy might get a heave-ho boost. Don't ask me why, I just go by intuition.
I've been getting really bored lately. It's as though I'll be studying and studying in school, doing whatever papers they give us, and trying to keep up the momentum. But once I get home, I go slack and I don't want to look at any book at all. I honestly have to stop this crap. I have SPM in 18 days! I can't afford this kind of nonsense right now. Once it's over with, I'll go slack however much I want.
Need. To. Buck. Up.
Friday, 17 October 2008
Tagged (for real)
Ah. Finally found the one that Denise tagged me on last month, and it's only right now that I'm bored enough to do it.
Before that... SIS! Okay! I reply you! Sheesh. Talk about being oversensitive, LoL. What you doing lah? Oh, wait, I don't want to know. We should watch The Nanny later, haha.
...
The TAG
The last person that tagged you is? Denise.
Your relationship with her? Greatest nemesis of all time.
Your 5 impression towards her: She's... cool. Fun. Sarcastic. Kind (though not to me, haha).
The most memorable thing that she has ever done for u? Bulging her eyes when I called her 17.
The most memorable words that she spoke to you? 'I'm sixteen!'
If she becomes your enemy, you will: Isn't she already? =P
If he becomes your enemy, the reason is: Coz she has no idea what an amazing friend she's missing.
The most desirable things to do for her is: Remember when she REALLY turns 17.
How do you think the people around you feel about you?
How should I know?
The most ideal person you want to be is:
Me. Duh.
For the people who care, say something about them: Do this ONLY when boredom is killing you.
10 people to tag:
1. TJ
2. Lai Zhu
3. Sis
4. You
5. You
6. You
7. You
8. You
9. You
10. You
Who is number 2 having relationship with?
Lai Zhu? No idea lah. But if I find out, I'll let you know.
Is 6 a male or female?
You answer that.
If number 7 and 10 got together, would that be a good thing?
If you want to marry yourself, be my guest.
How about 5 and 8 ?
I'll even attend your wedding.
What is number 1 studying?
All the subjects possible in SPM.
Is number 9 still single?
Are you?
Say something about number 3:
She has my flesh and blood.
DONE!
OVER!
Before that... SIS! Okay! I reply you! Sheesh. Talk about being oversensitive, LoL. What you doing lah? Oh, wait, I don't want to know. We should watch The Nanny later, haha.
...
The TAG
The last person that tagged you is? Denise.
Your relationship with her? Greatest nemesis of all time.
Your 5 impression towards her: She's... cool. Fun. Sarcastic. Kind (though not to me, haha).
The most memorable thing that she has ever done for u? Bulging her eyes when I called her 17.
The most memorable words that she spoke to you? 'I'm sixteen!'
If she becomes your enemy, you will: Isn't she already? =P
If he becomes your enemy, the reason is: Coz she has no idea what an amazing friend she's missing.
The most desirable things to do for her is: Remember when she REALLY turns 17.
How do you think the people around you feel about you?
How should I know?
The most ideal person you want to be is:
Me. Duh.
For the people who care, say something about them: Do this ONLY when boredom is killing you.
10 people to tag:
1. TJ
2. Lai Zhu
3. Sis
4. You
5. You
6. You
7. You
8. You
9. You
10. You
Who is number 2 having relationship with?
Lai Zhu? No idea lah. But if I find out, I'll let you know.
Is 6 a male or female?
You answer that.
If number 7 and 10 got together, would that be a good thing?
If you want to marry yourself, be my guest.
How about 5 and 8 ?
I'll even attend your wedding.
What is number 1 studying?
All the subjects possible in SPM.
Is number 9 still single?
Are you?
Say something about number 3:
She has my flesh and blood.
DONE!
OVER!
Tag
Denise - LoL. Good luck in your PAT yeah, though you're already in the midst of it. XD
Lai Zhu - Thanks, sweetie! PMR is over! Hope you're celebrating!
Chad - LoL, yeah. Bet everyone's counting down the miserable days.
TJ - I agree somewhat, but I can't find a better template. Wordpress doesn't exactly offer an impressive variety.
I know I'm supposed to study, but I just have to say this! I had an Oreo McFlurry! Yippee! It was really good, especially since mum was the one who paid for it. She was like, 'Why are you eating expensive ice-cream?' (She has this theory that the only ice-cream worth its price is the Sundae Cone McD). Anyway, since it feels like there's nothing left to surf on the net, I remembered this tag by TJ, so I thought of giving it a go. Voila! Found it.
THE SELF
1) Real name: Duh. You people should know. =P
2) Nicknames: Shu, Mitch, Mikki, Mic, Boon.
3) Married: I'm seventeen, what do you think?
4) Zodiac sign: Taurus.
5) Gender: Female.
6) High school: CLS (and proud of it!)
7) College: =.=
8 ) Age: 17
9) Height: Do. Not. Ask.
10) Blood group: Never checked.
11) Do you like yourself: Yup.
12) Piercings: Nope.
13) Right or left: Refer above.
14) Are you a freak: I hope not.
15) Hair: Black?
16) Skin: No diseases, if that's what you mean.
17) Allergic: Nada.
18) What are you doing now: Listening to jazz.
19) What will you do 1 hour later: Chill.
20) What will you do 10 years later: Chill.
THE FAMILY
21) Live with mother/father/parents: Yeah.
22) Siblings (included you): Two.
23) Eldest: Me.
24) Youngest: Sister.
25) Love/hate your family: Love (except when we fight for the remote).
THE LOVE
Heh. I'm too bloody lazy. It's sooo long, and it would've been repeated answers anyway. XD
THE STUDIES
56) Are you a good student: Be kind to me and define 'good'.
57) You always do your homework/assignments: Even if it's after the deadline? Then yes.
58) The teacher/tutor you love the most: Pn Gurjeet / Ms Chee / Ms Chin / Ms Ho / Mrs Carthy
59) Always late to school/college: Nah.
60) Your class: 5 SC 1
61) You love your seniors: Yeah. Some of them used to be my role models.
62) Senior who you love the most: Too many, I wouldn't do justice.
63) Your classmates good/bad: AWESOME.
64) Excellent result classmate: Jasmine Chan
65) Laziest classmates: The gang - we are always talking when we're supposed to be doing work.
THE PEOPLE
66) Smart people: Loads.
67) Stupid people: I quote Kevin Paul: 'Everyone is a genius.'
68) Good looking people: Loads. (I'm getting lazy)
69) Ugly people: None? Everyone's supposed to be the image of God lah...
70) Funny people: Rowan Atkinson.
71) Cute people: Abigail Breslin, Dakota Fanning.
72) Bad people: The Ministry of Examination.
73) Honest people: Friends all round.
74) Acting people: As in, actors?
75) You are what kind of people: Someone who corrects your grammar. It's 'person', by the way.
THE PREFER
76) Lips or eyes: Eyes.
77) Hugs or kisses: Both.
78) Shorter or taller: Depends lah.
79) Hesitant or spontaneous: Spontaneous.
80) Nice stomach or nice arms: WHAT?
81) Listener or talker: Both.
82) Romantic or rich: Preferably 80, worth 80 million $, and having some terminal illness.
83) Good husband or good father: When he's 80 and waiting for death to ship him off, I doubt he can be either.
THE FUTURE
84) Age to get marry: When I find out, I'll update this again.
85) Number(s) of kids: None.
86) Career: Now THAT is a whole other story.
87) Salary: Enough to buy a small island.
88) Retirement age: I heard that you get younger as you grow older. XD
89) Properties value: Any number that exceeds Bill Gates's.
90) Wishes: To make a difference.
I TAG :
You.
Lai Zhu - Thanks, sweetie! PMR is over! Hope you're celebrating!
Chad - LoL, yeah. Bet everyone's counting down the miserable days.
TJ - I agree somewhat, but I can't find a better template. Wordpress doesn't exactly offer an impressive variety.
I know I'm supposed to study, but I just have to say this! I had an Oreo McFlurry! Yippee! It was really good, especially since mum was the one who paid for it. She was like, 'Why are you eating expensive ice-cream?' (She has this theory that the only ice-cream worth its price is the Sundae Cone McD). Anyway, since it feels like there's nothing left to surf on the net, I remembered this tag by TJ, so I thought of giving it a go. Voila! Found it.
THE SELF
1) Real name: Duh. You people should know. =P
2) Nicknames: Shu, Mitch, Mikki, Mic, Boon.
3) Married: I'm seventeen, what do you think?
4) Zodiac sign: Taurus.
5) Gender: Female.
6) High school: CLS (and proud of it!)
7) College: =.=
8 ) Age: 17
9) Height: Do. Not. Ask.
10) Blood group: Never checked.
11) Do you like yourself: Yup.
12) Piercings: Nope.
13) Right or left: Refer above.
14) Are you a freak: I hope not.
15) Hair: Black?
16) Skin: No diseases, if that's what you mean.
17) Allergic: Nada.
18) What are you doing now: Listening to jazz.
19) What will you do 1 hour later: Chill.
20) What will you do 10 years later: Chill.
THE FAMILY
21) Live with mother/father/parents: Yeah.
22) Siblings (included you): Two.
23) Eldest: Me.
24) Youngest: Sister.
25) Love/hate your family: Love (except when we fight for the remote).
THE LOVE
Heh. I'm too bloody lazy. It's sooo long, and it would've been repeated answers anyway. XD
THE STUDIES
56) Are you a good student: Be kind to me and define 'good'.
57) You always do your homework/assignments: Even if it's after the deadline? Then yes.
58) The teacher/tutor you love the most: Pn Gurjeet / Ms Chee / Ms Chin / Ms Ho / Mrs Carthy
59) Always late to school/college: Nah.
60) Your class: 5 SC 1
61) You love your seniors: Yeah. Some of them used to be my role models.
62) Senior who you love the most: Too many, I wouldn't do justice.
63) Your classmates good/bad: AWESOME.
64) Excellent result classmate: Jasmine Chan
65) Laziest classmates: The gang - we are always talking when we're supposed to be doing work.
THE PEOPLE
66) Smart people: Loads.
67) Stupid people: I quote Kevin Paul: 'Everyone is a genius.'
68) Good looking people: Loads. (I'm getting lazy)
69) Ugly people: None? Everyone's supposed to be the image of God lah...
70) Funny people: Rowan Atkinson.
71) Cute people: Abigail Breslin, Dakota Fanning.
72) Bad people: The Ministry of Examination.
73) Honest people: Friends all round.
74) Acting people: As in, actors?
75) You are what kind of people: Someone who corrects your grammar. It's 'person', by the way.
THE PREFER
76) Lips or eyes: Eyes.
77) Hugs or kisses: Both.
78) Shorter or taller: Depends lah.
79) Hesitant or spontaneous: Spontaneous.
80) Nice stomach or nice arms: WHAT?
81) Listener or talker: Both.
82) Romantic or rich: Preferably 80, worth 80 million $, and having some terminal illness.
83) Good husband or good father: When he's 80 and waiting for death to ship him off, I doubt he can be either.
THE FUTURE
84) Age to get marry: When I find out, I'll update this again.
85) Number(s) of kids: None.
86) Career: Now THAT is a whole other story.
87) Salary: Enough to buy a small island.
88) Retirement age: I heard that you get younger as you grow older. XD
89) Properties value: Any number that exceeds Bill Gates's.
90) Wishes: To make a difference.
I TAG :
You.
Tuesday, 14 October 2008
Template Change =)
Tabby - LoL, you? Fine arts? What are you studying anyway?
TJ - Live life to the fullest. Hm.
Sometimes, I do wonder - do we just happen to 'like' a particular field because we excel in it? If that's so, isn't that the coward's way out, to choose an easier path? A path where you won't need to thrive neck-to-neck, a path where you'd no doubt shine, a path where it's so easy that it seems to be made just for you?
Do we like something because we're good at it, or in spite of it? Tabby, if you weren't so good at what you do best, would you still like it?
OMG. I'm getting all philosophical.
Tomorrow, I've got an Add Maths and Physics paper. It's a Program Anjal thing that the school's doing for us SPM-ers to prepare for the real thing. Oh, and Thanksgiving is in 16 days! I have a feeling that I'm about to cry my eyes out, and trust me, I don't cry often.
Sigh.
I just want SPM to be over, yet I'm not exactly ready for it. Talk about warring of emotions.
TJ - Live life to the fullest. Hm.
Sometimes, I do wonder - do we just happen to 'like' a particular field because we excel in it? If that's so, isn't that the coward's way out, to choose an easier path? A path where you won't need to thrive neck-to-neck, a path where you'd no doubt shine, a path where it's so easy that it seems to be made just for you?
Do we like something because we're good at it, or in spite of it? Tabby, if you weren't so good at what you do best, would you still like it?
OMG. I'm getting all philosophical.
Tomorrow, I've got an Add Maths and Physics paper. It's a Program Anjal thing that the school's doing for us SPM-ers to prepare for the real thing. Oh, and Thanksgiving is in 16 days! I have a feeling that I'm about to cry my eyes out, and trust me, I don't cry often.
Sigh.
I just want SPM to be over, yet I'm not exactly ready for it. Talk about warring of emotions.
Thursday, 9 October 2008
Wow
This is just it - Wow. I never thought I'd be able to do a post on this operating system. Usually, it just fails to connect and I'm forced to switch to Windows to get this done. LoL
Anyway, since I'm here, I might as well say a few things. Life has been pretty good to me so far, and believe it or not, I'm awfully pleased with life in general. No, I haven't just won a $40000 lottery ticket, but well, sometimes, we all need to sit back, chill and let life run its course.
That said, I have to admit that I'm beginning to get worked up over what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Someone asked me recently, 'But don't you like the pure sciences?' Which left me pretty much speechless.
I found my answer to her question, and - I can't quite believe I'm saying this - but I like science. REALLY like science. I like reading and rereading a Chemistry paragraph until I finally get it; I like how you can calculate Physics without a pause, yet make your workings sound logical; I like how you can gruel yourself to the bones with Add Maths and feel, at the end of the day, that you're not such a useless piece of crap after all.
Which, contrary to belief, makes everything all the more confusing.
What do I want to do with my life? What can I see myself doing for 30 years to come?
Whatever I choose now, I live with it for the rest of my life.
I think I know what I want to do - but when you think of all the troubles that come with it (no money, no reputation, possibly extremely poor living conditions), you wonder if it'll all be worth it.
Anyway, since I'm here, I might as well say a few things. Life has been pretty good to me so far, and believe it or not, I'm awfully pleased with life in general. No, I haven't just won a $40000 lottery ticket, but well, sometimes, we all need to sit back, chill and let life run its course.
That said, I have to admit that I'm beginning to get worked up over what I'm going to do with the rest of my life. Someone asked me recently, 'But don't you like the pure sciences?' Which left me pretty much speechless.
I found my answer to her question, and - I can't quite believe I'm saying this - but I like science. REALLY like science. I like reading and rereading a Chemistry paragraph until I finally get it; I like how you can calculate Physics without a pause, yet make your workings sound logical; I like how you can gruel yourself to the bones with Add Maths and feel, at the end of the day, that you're not such a useless piece of crap after all.
Which, contrary to belief, makes everything all the more confusing.
What do I want to do with my life? What can I see myself doing for 30 years to come?
Whatever I choose now, I live with it for the rest of my life.
I think I know what I want to do - but when you think of all the troubles that come with it (no money, no reputation, possibly extremely poor living conditions), you wonder if it'll all be worth it.
Thursday, 2 October 2008
I. Want. These. Books.
Fascinating topics, I must say. And do ignore the 'click to look inside' and the 'search inside' signs. Heh.
Believe it or not, I'm using my sister's comp now. Parents are both out, went to take sis from PSC before heading to Island. Today has been a complete waste of time.
Really short post, I know, haha. Was forced by my sis to update this. See y'all. Oh, and all the best to the PMR-ers!
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